Red vs Blue: The Pokémon Chronicles REDONE
by Maverick Hunter Cyros
Summary: AN: This story will remain here until Jan. 1st, 2007 at the lastest. Please check out the newest version instead. Status of story: INCOMPLETE
1. Episode 1

Disclaimer: Bungie owns Halo, Nintendo owns Pokémon, and Rooster Teeth Productions are the ones that own Red vs. Blue: The Blood Glutch Chronicles. Seriously, I think Rooster Teeth is a crazy name for a group of people making web videos, but hey, we got Monty Python, so what the hell.

Note: This is a restart of RvB: The Pokémon Chronicles. You can still find to old version somewhere around if you want to see the first version.

**

* * *

**

Episode One: Lucky Zeros

The location: Zanzibar. The time: the Future. The situation: ...do I really need to explain it to you guys?

Grif looked at the digital timer on the bomb below. "Oh... just two minutes left..." he moaned.

"Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic," said Sarge, the Red team leader, "But I'm ABSOLUTELY certain we're all gonna die!"

Simmons, in his usual kiss-ass way, replied with, "I think that is a totally objective assessment of the situation, Sir."

Not too far off, Donut stood with the resident Blue team members, Caboose and Tucker, the latter who was beating on a nearby shutter with his "cool thing," an energy sword.

"What if we just beat on these window shutters together?" he suggested. "We can get them open!"

"No, that would be the cowards way out!" Sarge replied. "Ruthlessly trying to escape instead of accepting you own fate!"

"But I can see daylight!" It was true, Tucker was able to make a small opening out of the doomed building.

"It's true..." the former said, not listening. "Only a miracle can save us now..."

A suddenty silence washed over the group. Donut was the first of the bunch to speak up once again. "You really think deus ex machina is going to help us?"

"Deus ex- wait, never mind, we ARE screwed," Grif said somberly.

"Exactly!" Sarge shouted once again. "We're all going to die, starting with Grif! Everyone, get ready to kiss yer ass goodbye! Simmons, you can have the honor of kissing mine."

Caboose, who was now by the sealed entrance to the building, heard a small pop, and turned around just in time to see the Blue team leader, Church, fall in from nowhere.

"Hey everybody," he asked casually. "What's up?"

"I, am so happy, that you made it in time, to die with me," Caboose replied in his unique state of mind. "We will get to be smithereens together!"

"The won't be necessary, Caboose." Church then turned his head upwards and said," Hey Gary, how yah doin'?"

As if on some strange que, the computer monitor in the upper level of the building went from the blue screen to a full black screen, which began to display green letters as a voice began to emit from it as well.

"NOT BAD. ALTHOUGH MY STATIC ION SUB-MATRIX IS A LITTLE ITCHY."

Everyone minus Church stared in awe for several seconds. They had NO idea what was going on.

"The computer can talk?" Simmons shouted.

Grif added to the statement by saying, "The computer's name is GARY?"

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, CHURCH?" the mechanized voice asked.

"Good, thanks for askin," replied the cobalt blue soldier. "Listen, would you do me a favor? Could you shut off the bomb, please?"

"NO PROBLEM."

For those would could read the digital timer, it beeped from three to two, then to one, and at the last second, displayed "OFF" on the little L.E.D. screen.

Out of anger, Sarge walked up and shouted, "Gary, you mean to tell me you could've turned off the bomb this whole time, and you didn't say SO? And don't say I-"

"YOU DIDN'T ASK." Gary replied calmly. Sarge went on the say a few curses under his own breathe.

"Man, it is really great to see you guys," said Church. Tucker walked up next to Caboose to greet his old friend/casual aquaintence/abusive commander.

"You seem like you're in a good mood!" the former exclaimed.

"I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels, Tucker. No matter how bad things might seem-"

"They COULD be worse," Caboose said, finishing his "best friend's" sentence.

"Nope. No matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, they can't be any worse, 'cause that's the way things fuck'in are, and you better get use Nancy. Quit yer bitch'in."

"Where HAVE you BEEN?" Caboose asked innocently.

"You want the LONG version of the SHORT?"

Thinking for a moment, Caboose replied, "I will take the EASY version."

"Oh no, I want to here the long version," interrupted Tucker. "But can you tell me in three parts?"

**

* * *

(Some distance off...)**

"Curses! The annoying blue commander of their's is back. Oh, how wished he had died in the enormous explosion that brought us here!"

"Sí, maestro. Su presencia es un fastidio grande a nosotros."-1-

On the outer wall of the base, O'Malley and his robotic minion Lopez (sans body, of course) overlooked the events that had just taken place.

"Well, this is just as good," the evil AI said from his possessed host. "With them all together again and trapped in this area, we can swiftly take them all out! Yes, this will be most glorious!"

"I don't know about that," a different voice replied from where O'Malley's voice once came. "It doesn't seem very nice to give them such a disadvantage."

"Oh shut up, Doc!" yelled the AI. "No one cares for your opinion anymore, right Lopez?"

"Lo que flota su barco."-2-

Unknown to both of them, a shadowy figure watched them from the cover of several ruined pillars. Hunched and out of sight, the figure slowly walked away toward the other end of the wall.

**

* * *

(Five minutes later)**

"Well I didn't, Caboose, I DIDN'T try to save me, I DIDN'T try to save Tex, and I SURE as hell DIDN'T make MILLIONS of copies of myself trying to keep the bomb from going off!"

"Oh." Caboose looked at his commander for a split second before continuing. "BECAUSE that was my next suggestion..."

"Leave me alone, Caboose!" Church said with irritation. "I didn't want to mess with the timeline!"

"Time... line?" Caboose huffed before saying, "Time ISN'T made out of lines... it is made out of circles. That is WHY clocks are ROUND."

Nearby, Tex, Church's ex-girlfriend turned freelancer, continued to stare at Tucker's sword and said, "Man, that thing is really shiny."

"Yep," agreed Tucker. Church turned to him with a look of worry, or as much as a look you can get when wearing a one-way visor.

"Tucker, man, I still think..." Church took a quick breathe. "The computer told me that thing is a very important relic from some ancient culture. Don't do swinging it around like that."

"Yeah? Well I think it's just a kick-ass piece of BLING, and who are you going to believe, me, or some super-smart-stupid talking computer?"

He finished his sentence with a mighty show-off swing of his sword, but then the unthinkable happened:

He TRIPPED.

"WHOA!" Tucker fell right on his back and the sword fell out of his grasp, flying upwards into the air, spinning right through the opening in the roof of the base. Nearby, Donut was on his way to distract the Blue's as per orders from Sarge, when he saw the plasma sword land right into the console with a sharp _THUD_.

"What the- oh boy, someone's sure gonna be in trouble..."

"Hey Donut, what was that noise just now?" Sarge yelled from the opposite side of the building the Blue's were.

"Oh, just the cool thing Tucker had landing into the computer console. Man, is he ever gonna get it!"

"THIS CANNOT-NOT BE G-G-G-G-GOOD," Gary said. "MY WARRENTY DOES NOT COVER-R-R-R IMPALINGS."

At this time, Church had found his way back inside and to the console. "Holy shit! Gary, are you okay?"

"MYSELF? I AM FINE. FOR T-T-THE BASE? NOT SO-O-O FINE."

The console began to spark and arcs of electricity travelled between it, the sword and the generator nearby. Steadily, the generator began to increase it's speed of rotation, energy arcing off of it.

"...this is bad, isn't it?"

"ORANGE YOUUUUU GLAD I DIDN'T SAY-AY-AY BBBBBBANANA-NA-NA-NA?"

"Gary, this is no time for jokes, we gotta do something!"

"FORGIVE ME C-CHURCH, BUT-BUT-BUT-T-T-T-T-T-" The screen then flickered off and Gary's voice vanished.

"Gary? GARY? Oh my god, we're screwed!"

Tucker, Tex and Caboose came up beside him just as Gary went offline. "Man, now THAT'S gotta be a kick in the nuts," Tucker replied.

Church narrowed his eyes and swiftly pulled out the sword, turning around to face Tucker. "You ASSHOLE! This is all your fault, and now Gary isn't around anymore to help us fix this mess of yours!"

"Whoa, wait Church , it- it was an accident! You wouldn't hurt your friend-"

"Screw that friend bullshit! I'm gonna FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Sarge barged into the lower levels and shouted, "Hey you maggots, quiet down! Can't people have a secret meeting without you morons making all that noise?"

"Yeah Sarge," Grif replied from the clearing outside. "We REALLY have to have the quiet so we don't reveal our SECRET stuff, huh?"

"Simmons, I give you permission to whack Grif over the head!"

A loud _WHACK_ was heard, followed by some of Grif's whimpering. "Done and done, sir!"

"ACK!" Tucker pushed past Sarge as Church sliced the air where he was standing just seconds before. "For the love of god, calm down you jerk-off!"

"THE MORE YOU RUN, THE MORE I WANT TO SLICE YOU OPEN, YOU FUCKTARD!" Church's roars of anger catch the attention of all, except Caboose, who was mesmerized by the rapid spinning of the generator. It had increased it's speed so fast, that it nearly looked like a solid object.

"Wow. This thing is spinning really fast." Caboose turned to Tex to ask a question, as Church was busy trying the murder Tucker. "Is that a BAD thing?"

"Huh?" Tex was catch up in the chase and barely noticed Caboose until now. "Well, yeah, I guess. If it goes fast enough, it would put out enough energy to-"

It was then the generator glowed a bright blue, and let out a high pitched whine. Caboose looked at it and realized, despite his mental capacity for thought, what was going to happen, and said the most unusual thing that would ever come out of his mouth.

"...OH FUC-"

**

* * *

(Outside the base)**

"What's with that whining noise?" O'Malley complained. "Argh, it's driving me crazy!"

"Pienso que es ese generador que hace girar de control, maestro."-3-

"What? What are you say-" Looking over to the base and seeing the bright glow, O'Malley realized what was going to happen as well. "Oh no... NO-"

The mysterious figure, also seeing the signs of doom, went off the run for cover, but it was too late.

For the Red team, the Blue Team, O'Malley, Lopez, and the figure... they faced-

INSERT SUPER-STRONG KICK-ASS EXPLOSION OF ARMAGEDDON HERE, EQUAL IN POWER TO THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET ZEBES AT THE END OF SUPER METROID PLUS THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET NAMEK. IT'S REALLY, REALLY BIG.

_END EPISODE_

* * *

At last, the new version has been written! This has something I've been going over for a while, shortly after I began writing several drafts of episode 3. Plus, I got to feature Lopez and a mysterious figure as well (for those RvB fans out there, you'll know who the figure is)! Next chapter should be up soon, aka when I feel like doing so.

Next Episode: **Strange Land, Stranger People**

And now, for a handy translation of Lopez's lines!

-1-"Yes, master. His presence is a great nuisance to us."

-2-"Whatever floats your boat."

-3-"I think it's that generator spinning out of control, master."


	2. Episode 2

Disclaimer: You can check the first chapter for that one. From this point on, this disclaimer line shall note exist in future chapters!

**Quote:** "It's the beast! The anti-flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh!" Red Zealot, RvB Episode 40

**

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**

Episode Two: Strange Land, Stranger People

**(Present Day, Red/Blue Command)**

"Hello, this is Vic calling Blood Gulch, anyone hearing me right now? Don't be shy, just trying to see what the hell is going on down there... hello?"

"They're not answering," said a high ranking officer that stood behind Vic. "They didn't answer now, not even and hour ago, and I'm sure as hell that they will NOT answer in the future!"

"Doesn't hurt to try, general dude, never know until you try!"

"...remind me again how a moron like you got a job as a communicator?"

"Whoa... harsh."

"Sir!" the general turned around to see a normal Marine (not a Spartan, like the Red and Blue teams), rushing toward him in a hurry. "We've just received word that Sidewinder Outpost has been destroyed!"

"Say WHAT?" shouted the general.

"Wow..." Vic added. "That has to-"

"Shut your mouth, dirtbag." The general turned to stare right into the marine's eyes and said, "Just how in the hell was Sidewinder destroyed? The Blue squad there has been dead for months!"

"Erm... well, the last minute report said that a white-armored freelancer had broken into the base and killed the remaining Red squad members-"

"Uh oh," Vic said quietly.

"-And our satellite telemetry suggests that the entire area was, well... blown out of existence but a 10 megaton bomb."

The general's jaw hung open in a state of shock. Vic looked at the two and said, "Well then... doubt anybody could have survived something like that."

**

* * *

(Meanwhile, back in the future...)**

"...OH FUC-"

"Oh no... NO-"

"Nar, sorapo nudo carlk ne-"

INSERT SUPER-STRONG KICK-ASS EXPLOSION OF ARMAGEDDON HERE, EQUAL IN POWER TO THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET ZEBES AT THE END OF SUPER METROID PLUS THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET NAMEK. IT'S REALLY, REALLY BIG.

In unison, anyone with the ability to shout said the same thing in unison:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Lopez, on the other hand, said this:

"AIEIEIEIEIEIEIIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIE!"

Then everything went black.

**

* * *

(Some unknown time later, Location unknown)**

"Ohhhhh... my fucking head... why does it hurt some much..."

"G...grif? Grif, is that you?"

"Huh?" Grif managed to open his eyes and tilt his head to the left. He saw Donut, upside-down against a wall. "Donut?"

"Yeah, it's me..." the pink soldier replied. "Man, what a ride that was!"

"I swear... this is the last time we stand at the center of an explosion."

"Point taken. Say, have you seen Sarge or Simmons?"

"Why are you asking me? I just woke up!"

"Will you ladies pipe down? Some of us are trying to recover their sense here!" With that said, Sarge managed to rise out of a nearby rusted dumpster, an old banana peel sticking to the side of his head. "That makes three of us... where's Simmons?"

"Right here sir!" the fore mentioned said, popping up next to the Red team leader.

"Excellent. We survived another explosion with 0 casualities! That's a new record!" Grif turned toward Sarge and narrowed his eyes.

"Sarge, none of us have even died before..."

"Not true, scumbag. We lost your pulse 5 times after the tank ran you over."

Grif quickly stood up in a panic, shouting, "SAY WHAT? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"You never asked, num nuts!" Sarge climbed over the edge of the dumpster and brushed off the garbage he could spot. "And for god sakes, someone get Donut up before he starts looking stupid!"

Grif grunted and turned to help Donut. Simmons took the time to remove the banana peel from Sarge's head before he and anyone else noticed.

"Now that we're all accounted for and no longer dazed, we need to figure out where the hell we are! Simmons, any suggestions?"

Simmons stood up smugly and said, "Judging by the brick walls so close to each other, the lack of light, and the dumpster, we are in some kind of alleyway."

"I kinda figured that out already guy," Grif retorted.

"Ask me if I care, _DEXTER_." the cyborg soldier replied.

"Guys, guys!" shouted Donut. "No need to be hurtful to each other; we're all on the same team!"

Grif and Simmons turned to Donut and simply stared. After a few moments, they turned back to each other, then back to Donut, then went to face Sarge.

"Anyway..." Grif began. "We're in an alleyway. Which mean's we're in a city or town. The question is: where?"

"That's EXACTLY what we need to find out!" Sarge raised his shotgun up high and aimed it in the direction of the brightest light source. "Now, let's move it out and get ready to kick whose ever asses that get's on our way! And I sure hope it's those goddamn Blues!"

"Hey, now that you mention it... where are those guys?" Simmons interjected.

"How knows?" Grif replied. "With their luck, they're probably in the middle of space."

**

* * *

(Same time, different location)**

"Hello?" A blue armored figure stood in the middle of a forest clearing, totally alone. "H-hello? Church? Tucker? Tex? Major Pop N' Fresh? ...anyone?"

Silence filled the air. Despite the armor concealing any signs of fear, Caboose was clearly afraid. Even though he OBVIOUSLY is holding a gun his hands.

"...I'm scared... there is no one around, to help me. Church... please come out of the trees right about... NOW!"

He looked toward a section of clearing, only to find no moment.

"Okay... you are going to come out from behind the rock... NOW!" Again, nothing out of the ordinary occurred.

"...Are the going from above right about... NOW?" He looked up. Nothing. "Oh, come on, I need to be right some time!"

"I'm surprised you're ever right about anything."

"AHH!" The voice had caught Caboose off guard, causing him to jump in fright. He turned around and ended up facing Tucker. "Tucker?"

"The one and only, dude!" Tucker took his pistol (his cool thing was lost before, remember?) and did some fancy gun twirling moves, just to show off, before putting it away in his holster. "So... any sign of Church or Tex?"

"Um, no..." Caboose said, obviously annoyed. "Why do you think I was saying he was coming to me when he was not?"

"I dunno... maybe because you're an idiot?"

"...ha... ha... ha... That is not funny."

"Whatever." Tucker looked around at the trees and sky, and finally asked a very important question, one the Reds had failed to think of. "Why is everything here so messed up?"

"I... beg your pardon?" the blue soldier said, clueless.

"Just look at it! Everything here is so... bright! Even us!" Tucker exclaimed, pointing at his cyan armor, which looked cel-shaded at the moment. "Why does everything here look like some kind of cartoon?"

At the moment, Caboose smiled underneath his helmet and jumped with glee. "Cartoons? Hooray! I LOVE cartoons! And now we are in one!"

"Uh, Caboose-"

"Ooo, OOO! I bet I could fall off a building and turn into an accordion, just like that coyote guy!"

"Caboose-"

"Oh, do you think Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck will be here? Maybe we can find Rocky and Bullwinkle too!"

"You're not listening to-"

"Then we can have snack time with them, and plays jokes on the cast of Yu-Gi-"

"DUDE! Cartoons are not real! They're nothing but drawn moving pictures on TV! There is no way they could ever be in real life!"

"...Tucker, I think you should get a second opinion," Caboose said slowly.

"From WHO? We're the only ones out here! Who am I going to get a new opinion from if there are only TWO people?"

"Well... how about the two people behind you with the talking cat?"

"The-huh?"

Tucker turned around and there, standing right there, was a young man with purple hair and a young woman with a large red hair-do, in matching uniforms with the letter "R" on the shirts, and a knee-high cat walking upright and a coin-like structure on it's forehead.

"..." The three new figures simply stared at the two armored soldiers. Not movement or sound was made until Caboose walked up right next to Tucker.

"Hey there! When are you going to start your motto?"

The cat continued staring while thinking, _"Dat's oit. No moe cat-nip foe me."_

**

* * *

(Still the same timeframe, yet another location)**

Church's head hurt. Alot. Even after the countless times of being blown up, shot in the head, paralyzed, blown up again, and so on, he never felt such a pounding headache-

_"Wait a minute,"_ he thought. _"I have a robotic body now. Why would I get headaches?"_

"Hey, are you alright?" said a unknown voice.

_"Whose that? Doesn't sound like Caboose or Tucker... damn idiot, blowing up the entire base..."_

"Can you here me? Are you hurt?" The sounds of rushing footsteps could be heard. "Guys, come here quick!"

"Oh god, what happened to him?" shouted a young feminine voice.

"Hey, there's someone else hurt too down here!" The next voice belonged to an older male, older than the owner of the first voice. "She's got a nasty cut too!"

_"She? That sounds like Tex- wait, a cut? Robots can't get cuts! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!"_

"Hey, he's waking up!" the first voice said. Church opened his eyes and saw the blurry figure of a young teenage boy wearing a cap. Even before his vision fully returned, he brought his hands up into his vision. His eyes went wide and he immediately got to his feet, staring at his hands.

His unarmored hands. His hands with skin on them. His ORIGINAL hands.

"HOLY SHIT, I'M BACK IN MY BODY!"

**

* * *

(And finally, back at Red/Blue Command)**

"Vic, do you have ANY idea how much trouble you're in right now?"

"Um... pretty much?"

"You idiot! First you forget Captain Flowers is DEAD, then you reveal the R-V-B to Private Tucker, and then you have a freelancer-"

Just then, the radio crackled to life and began transmitting. "-ello, th... lancer Wyom... g to... command, any... there?"

"What the- give me that!" The general shoved Vic out of his seat and activated the console. "This is General Manhattan to Freelancer Wyoming, respond immediately!"

"Oh, it that you, General?" the British merc replied. "Finally, I got some clear reception. How are you this fine day?"

"Cut the crap, you lousy sonavu bitch!" the general shouted into the radio. "You have a lot do explaining to do! What the hell happened on Sidewinder?"

"Oh, that? Well simple put, I was going to take out Private Tucker, but his friend Private Church decided to, how shall I put this... explode."

"Explode? How could he- wait, wasn't Private Church killed in friendly fire?"

"Well, he was there somehow, and he did exploded, and somehow I survived, ending up here-"

"Forget about the details then, where is your location? Where are you transmitting from?"

**

* * *

(Covenant Holy City of High Charity, exact moment)**

"To say the truth, my good man," Wyoming said, looking out at the scores of Covenant personnel, unaware of his presence, "The worst possible place I can think of..."

_END EPISODE_

* * *

And so ends episode two. I think this one is longer than the original one written before the restart, and it has more people too. I'm not sure why I added the things with Vic and Red/Blue command, or the thing with Wyoming of High Charity, but hey, I made it up as a go, like many major web sagas. Hopefully, the next episode will be done much sooner and such.

Next Episode: **Painting the Town Red (And the Forest Blue)**

Sorry for the lack of Lopez, he'll be back soon. Though it makes me wish I remembered my many years of Spanish class...


	3. Episode 3

Introductory Notes: Just want to take this chance to thanks all of those who liked the first two chapters and such. When I suggested this idea in a chat elsewhere, they wanted to gut my like a fish (just like Sarge), but it seems people here are a little more open minded. Or they're just not as smart. Which is okay. Please don't hurt me. OO;

**

* * *

**

Episode Three: Painting the Town Red (And the Forest Blue)

**(Forest Clearing, Unknown Universe)**

Tucker stared at the three new figures. They stared back at him and Caboose. Caboose just stood there, all casual like, as if this was the norm from him and his teammates (considering what they've been through, I might as well have been).

"Caboose... do you have ANY idea what the hell is going on?"

"Of COURSE I do," said soldier replied. "Why wouldn't I? I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet. Like Church would."

"...No," Tucker replied, "I think Church would have a mental breakdown from this." The cyan Spartan turned toward the newcomers and said, "What, you're still standing there? Does our presence fascinate you THAT much?"

The two humans and their cat companion, which for the sake of getting things done are named Jessie, James and Meowth, looked at each other wondering what to do. The red haired women turned back to Tucker and said, "Um, would you excuse us for a moment to talk things over?"

"Eh, why the hell not? Gives me time to figure where the fuck I am."

As the two Spartan began to converse in private, Team Rocket stepped to the side in a small huddle.

"This is unbelievable!" Jessie whispered. "After all our bad luck with that twerp and his friends, we find some people with REALLY vauable stuff!"

"What are you talking about?" James replied. "I don't see any bauables on them!"

"She's talk'in about they's armor, nincompoop!" Meowth explained. "That stuff looks like it can take a diwect hit from a Rhydon!"

"My point exactly," Jessie said slyly. "Even though we don't know who made it, that armor they have would bring use a big bonus with the boss!"

"Yeah, and I'll be top cat around the HQ again!"

"But guys, how are we going to get those suits anyway?" James said with fear. "They have guns!"

"Yes..." Jessie replied, "But they seemed confused, well, one of them is; the other one seems stupid enough to not pose a big threat. We can easily overpower them!"

"I like dat plan!" whispered Meowth. "We'll kick 'em while they'we down!"

As the trio of villains discussed their strategy, Caboose was telling Tucker what he knew about just what exactly was going on.

"-and then I watched the movies again and again, and those were the HAPPIEST days of my life."

"...Caboose, that make no fucking sense, what-so-ever."

"Oh, and I suppose YOU have a better explanation?" Caboose said with hints of anger.

"Well, no..." The cyan soldier looked back toward the huddled mass of Team Rocket a ways off. "But I'm really not sure how we could have fallen into an anime show, much less such a crappy one."

Caboose turned his head toward his teammate, as if in some sort of trance, and said calmly, "...what did you say?"

"I mean it, seriously! First of all, this show, pokey men-"

"It's called Pokémon, Tucker. I'd rather like it if you say it correctly-"

"Whatever. Anyway, this show was made over 500 years ago... that's like older than my grandmother-"

"It, is a classic show, Tucker. It is a VERY, GOOD classic and-"

"'Classic'? That show was BULLSHIT! Nobody cared about it then, and they don't now!"

"Stop, saying mean things! You, are making me mad!"

Tucker simply laughed at his companion's statements. "Oh come on, what are you gonna do? Turn into the Hulk?"

"You, will not like me, when I, am angry!" Caboose seemed to start straining his voice. "When I get angry, I start thinking really, mean, things, like Red Bull! Black Ponies! YyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYY**YOU!**"

With a swift motion, Caboose took the Battle Rifle in his hands and brought it up to eye level, the opening of the barrel facing right at Tucker's visor.

"Holy shit, DUDE!" he yelled. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

In menacing voice, the usually easy going, light headed blue team member said, "**My name, is Micheal J. Caboose. And I will butter your toasted soul, with DEATH!**"

At that time, Team Rocket had finished their strategy (they have those?) and faced in the direction of the two Blue squad members. "Alright you two!" Jessie said, sounding her most menacing. "Prepare for Trouble!"

James started to say "And make it double," but was interrupted as Tucker ran like hell, screaming, past the two young adults, followed by a disgruntled Caboose, who was shooting into the forest like a madman. The two soldiers disappeared into the woods, leaving Team Rocket behind.

"Hey, we didn't get to finish the motto!" James complained. This earned him a whack from Jessie's fan.

"QUIT COMPLAINING, YOU MORON, OUR PROMOTION IS RUNNING AWAY! COME ON!"

**

* * *

(City Alleyways, Pokémon Universe)**

Grif crouched on his knees and slowly walked/crawled between Simmons, who was in the front, and Donut who followed him. Sarge was planted directly at the back.

"I still don't see why we have to walk like this the whole way." the orange soldier stated.

"Quite, dirtbag!" Sarge exclaimed with a hushed tone. "We're being stealthy! Everyone knows the lying low is the best strategy when faced with unknown danger!"

"Totally true, sir!" Simmons added.

_"What a kiss-ass," _Grif thought silently. He continued crawl-walking when he was stopped by Simmon's immobile body. "Hey Simmons, get your cyborg ass moving!"

"Shut up, you idiot!" the maroon soldier whispered. "There's people up ahead!"

"Is it those blue guys, Simmons?" Donut asked quietly.

"No..." Simmons peaked over the corner of the alleyway to where he saw the people. "But they ARE wearing blue clothing... looks like a gang of some sort..."

"A gang of blue-wearing punks?" Sarge spat out. "Why those dirty jackals! The Blue army must be using gangs to recruit new members into their ranks! Are they up to no good, Simmons?"

"I don't think- wait, yes." Again, he peaked around the corner, seeings several men in blue outfits and hauling several boxes out of a building and onto a nearby black van. "Look's like some kind of break-in."

"A robbery? Oh man, those guys are good!" Donut shouted. This earned him a quick _SHH!_ from his three teammates. "Well, are we gonna go do something?"

"Not yet, Donut," Sarge explained. "First, we need to assess the situation and determine how much firepower they-"

"I can see them from here, Sarge," Grif said with a hint of annoyance. "The have no guns. In fact, I don't even think they're even working for the Blue guys!"

"Can it, dirtbag. They're wearing blue, so OBVIOUSLY they're Blues!"

"No it doesn't! I'm not wearing red and I'm part of the army, even though I don't want to be! In fact, the only one wearing red here is YOU!"

"Grif... what part of "Can it, dirtbag!" did you not understand?"

"Um, guys?" Donut interjected. "I think if we rush in right now and knock them out, we can take their vehicle and get out of here before more of them come."

Simmons, Grif and Sarge stared at the pink private as if he had said he was the mastermind behind the Covenant armies. Or that he was a homosexual; whatever works for the current situation.

"Donut... you actually have a good idea!" Sarge said. "You're one step closer to becoming a better soldier!"

"Really, Sarge?"

"Yes, but only if you start acting more manly!" The southern talking sergeant stood right up and turned his shotgun to the perfect whacking position. "Men, get ready for Operation: Knockout!"

"You just made that up, didn't you?" Grif pointed out.

"Shut up and get ready to be a meat shield, asswipe."

**

* * *

(Same location, some distance away)**

"Man, this job blows," the Team Aqua grunt complained. "We didn't even get Pokémon to help us out with this job.

"Quit complaining- at least it better than restroom duty back at the base," another grunt grunted (LOL, I made a funnie)

A third member came out of the nearby doorway that was broken inwards carrying another box, then walked to the van and put the brown container on the floor of the vehicle.

"Well, that's the last of the stuff. Hopefully we'll be long gone before any police arrive."

"Man, I still don't get why we need these supply runs. You'd think Archie would have enough money to buy this crap of the black market!"

"Well he doesn't! The boss needs all the funds he can get for his secret project! Team Magma got us on the run for the good stuff since-"

The second grunt heard a small sound, and turned his head toward where Sarge and the other Reds were spying on them from. He could see nothing.

"Hey man, something wrong?" the third of the criminals asked.

"Eh, it was nothin'. Thought I heard someone over there, that's all..."

"Probably just a Rattata and shit," the first grunt replied, getting ready to close the back doors of the van. "Now, let's get going before-"

"YEEHAW!"

"The hell-" _CRACK!_ The third grunt was down and out, Sarge standing over his unconscious body.

"Oh fuck! I knew there was-" Another _CRACK!_, this time thanks to Grif. Another swift _CRACK!_ and the last of the Aqua's were down for the count, thanks to Donut's pistol whip. Simmons appeared from the other end of the alleyway, his distraction working perfectly.

"Dude, that was sweet!" Grif shouted. "That was the best sneak attack ever! Donut, you actually came up with a good plan!"

"Yeah, it was a good plan, wasn't it?" the pink soldier replied. "And we get a free vehicle too!"

Sarge was already climbing into driver's seat of the van and started it up. "Only 75 horsepower? The Blues are definitely cutting back these days!"

"Well, you know what I say about all this?" Simmons interjected. "...SHOTGUN!"

"Shotgu-FUCK!" Grif cursed, outwitted by the maroon cyborg once again. "You just want to sit next to Sarge, don't you?"

"It's only proper for the chain of command, Grif. You'll understand when YOU become a superior officer's favorite... which I doubt will be happening anytime soon-"

"You know what, screw you." With the, Grif climbed into the back of the van, pushing several of the boxes out of the way, some of which landed on the unconscious Aqua grunts. "Hey Donut, get in so we can get out of here."

"Sweet! Bunk buddy!" shouted the young private, jumping straight first into the van. Grif sighed in frustration and closed the double doors. Simmons quickly got into the passenger side of the van next to Sarge, obviously pleased.

"Well men, whatever this place is, they better get ready," shouted Sarge "because the Red Squad is coming to town!"

With that, he gunned down the accelerator and the van speed out of the alleyway like a bat of out hell. From underneath the piles of boxes, one of the grunts was slowly coming to.

"Ouch... I knew I should have thanking bathroom duty today..."

**

* * *

(Forested Area, Pokémon Universe)**

"Shitshitshitshitshitshit-" _BANGBANGBANG!_ "MOTHER FUCKER!"

Caboose was right on Tucker's tail, chasing and firing at his teammate like a madman, thanks to the cyan soldier's comments about the Pokémon anime (he didn't get to the good jokes either). Caboose was laughing at his companion's panicked state.

"**EVERY STEP YOU RUN MAKES ME WANT TO EAT YOUR BRAINS MORE! MUAH HAHAHAHA!**"

From the site of a nearby waterfall, one could see Tucker run across the small stream, followed by the gun totting Caboose, and a few yards behind came Team Rocket, obviously wanting that promotion badly. In between two rocks of said waterfall, laid a small handle with ruinic symbols on it. It was the sword that Tucker had found, and had started the whole mess in this world.

A four fingered hand reached down and grabbed the handle, lifting it up and activating the deadly energy blade. The owner of the hand glared at the sword, then back to the trees where the chase had went through. Then, the figure softly spoke:

"By the will of the Prophets, the hunting of the Heretics shall begin..."

_END EPISODE_

* * *

And there goes Episode Three. I'd like to thank the reviewers of both chapters for their insight and ideas (like the idea of Team Aqua being mistaken for Blues). And we also see the return of Mad Caboose (who first appeared in RvB episode 40; a classic). I just wanted to bring him back this time, especially after he insulted on of Caboose's favorite shows. Will Tucker survive Caboose's rampage? What of Church and Tex? Is O'Malley still at large? Will Wyoming survive the twisting halls of High Charity? And what other craziness will I think up of? Stay tuned, dirtbags!

Next Episode: **Not in Kansas Anymore**


	4. Special 1

Disclaimer: This is here because there's new stuff involved in this special (which does not follow the main series I am writing, this is like the RvB PSA's and specials; can you say "turducken"?). Again, Red vs. Blue is belongs to Rooster Teeth and Halo to Bungie, while all characters and ideas from the webcomic called "The Lounge" belong to John Joseco and Jamie MacKenzie (as well as any affiliates to either of the two). Well then, on to the insanity!

Note: Plain _italics_ will be used to point out narration later on during the dream flashabck. _"Italics"_ in quotes means commentary and/or questions from Simmons and Donut.

**

* * *

**

Red vs. Blue: The Specials

**Special #1: Delusions of Idiocy**

It was a fine day at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One, sometime between episodes 3 and 4 of the main shootings/writings. Simmons was casually strolling around the base, looking for Grif.

"Hey, Grif! Get your ass out here, we gotta practice our lines for the next episode!"

"I didn't know we practiced our lines!" Donut walked through the front entrance of the base after hearing Simmons. "Heck, I didn't even know we have a script!"

"Shh! Quiet you idiot!" Simmons scolded. "It's just an excuse to get his sorry ass out of bed! He's been sleeping since noontime!"

"Really? Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Everyone should get their beauty sleep once in a while!"

Simmons stared at Donut as if he was on drugs (who knows?). "...just shut up and follow me."

The maroon and pink soldiers went on their way through the base until the reached Grif's designated sleeping area. He was all spralled out on his back, and his sleeping cot looked like he was moving around in his sleep.

"Ugh... man, what the hell did I eat last night..." moaned Grif as he slowly lifted himself up with his hands. He spotted Donut's legs nearby and looked up to see both him and Simmons staring right at him. "What? Do my sleeping habits excite you or something?"

"Grif, you slept over fourteen hours... it's already 2 in the afternoon!" Simmons asked angerly.

Grif stood up and said firmly, "Hey, it's not entirely my fault! I was having a really weird dream last night and shit."

"Oh come on, you always have those kinds of dreams," Simmons protested. "Like the time you dreamt that you and Sarge had a-"

"Simmons, I thought we agreed NEVER to bring that up again, unless we wanted Sarge to kill us both. SLOWLY."

"...oh yeah, that slipped my mind."

"Well, what was this dream about this time?" Donut asked eagerly. "You are going to tell us, right?"

"Of course I am!" Grif shouted. "I can't keep a dream this crazy all to myself!"

"Oh come on, it can't be THAT weird," Simmons replied. "Just try and freak us out."

"Okay," Grif said slowly. "But I warned yah..."

**

* * *

**

**(INSERT DREAM FLASHBACK TRANSITION EFFECTS HERE)**

_Well, it all started in this road. Looked like any normal neighborhood road, with houses and cars everything. Nothing out of the oridinary._

"Well, this sucks," _I complained._ _It was then I saw people hiding in the trees, but not normal neighborhood people. It was a bunch of Reds with sniper rifles. They were looking at me, waiting for me to do something. Like I was their commander or something._

_"Yeah, that's a laugh!"_

_Shut up, kissass! Anyway, the sky was looking red for some reason. I didn't know why, but since it was a dream, I didn't really care. It was then I saw this Filipino kid, around 16 or so, walking home from somewhere. Not that I have nothing against them, but he looked weirder than ones I've met before... then I remembered the style he appeared to be was "manga," or some similar word._

_"You mean like Japanese style cartoons?"_

_Yeah Donut, that's the ticket. Kinda like the show we're having this crossover thing with._

_"Can we just get on with it?"_

_Keep your armor on, Simmons. So, this kid, walking to his house, kinda perked my curiousity, so I followed him. We came to this house, his house by the looks of it, and he opened to door. He left it open, so I slipped inside after him, and for some reason he didn't notice me._

"Hey, uh kid? Hello? I'm right here?"

_After that didn't work, I walked up behind him and was going to tap him on the shoulder. That's when I saw it._

_"Saw 'what?'"_

_Shut up and I'll tell you! God! Well, the kid was just stading there, and in the next room was this girl, around his age, and this other guy with white hair, making out with each other. The kid was in shock, because for some reason, I knew that the girl was his girlfriend, and the guy was his older brother._

_"His WHAT?"_

_Yeah, tell me. Anyway, the first kid was shocked only for a second, then he was obviously pissed when his girlfriend noticed him. He turned around to walk out of the house, past me, and that's when I said:_

"Um... what the fuck is going on?"

"Hey, where the hell did you come from?" _the older guy shouted. He was the same japanese cartoon style as the first, and was almost as tall as me. He looked like some kind of pretty boy, which was REALLY distrubing to me._

"Hey, I'm asking the questions here, buddy. We're you making out with that girl?"

_The guy narrowed his eyes at me, like he was going to set me on fire or something with his mind. Not really intimidating. _"What's it to you, jackass?"

"Well, call me crazy, but I think she's a little young for you, am I right?"

"..." _That son of a bitch looked right at me like he was Sarge or something. But since it wasn't the sergeant, I didn't have any reason to back down. _"Why don't you mind you own business, you armored fucktard."

_And that's when I got pissed. _"Well, Mr. Pedophile, we have ways of dealing with freaks like you."_ That's when I shot him!_

_"You shot him?"_

_Is there an echo in here? Yes, I did fire my gun, but the bastard ducked out of the way and it hit the wall. The girl fainted on the spot, and then the guy decided to shove past me and out the door. I chased after him and saw the snipers in the trees begin firing at him. I didn't know where they learned to shoot, but they missed each shot miserably._

_"Sounds like someone I know, Grif."_

_Ha ha, you're a riot. Continuing on, this pretty boy decides to hop into his car and try to drive away, but then a Warthog appeared out of nowhere next to me, so I get in and we begin a super-cool high-speed highway chase! All along the sides of the roads, Red kept shooting at him, trying to slow him down, and some of the shoots caused lots of random cars to explode in firey balls of death!_

_Suddenly, I hit a ramp and fly right into the air, overshooting the dude's car and landing in front of him. I hit the brakes and he crashes right into me, totaling his car as well as the Warthog. He flees the scene, but I chase after him with my trusty shotgun._

_"You don't have a shotgun, Sarge does!"_

_Simmons, this is a FREAK'IN dream! Anyway, he's running downtown, which was deserted for some reason, and he trips over this rock, and fall right on his ass and snaps his leg; pretty funny, by the way. So, I finally reach him and aimed the shotgun right at his head._

"So buddy, it's been quite the chase. Unfortunantely, you lost, and now you're going to die."

"You can't be serious?" he yelled. "YOU'RE CRAZY!"

"Yeah, I'm a crazy son of a bitch," _I said to the guy. _"But of course... that what I was TRAINED to be..."

_So, instead of shooting the guy's head like I was going to, I reach behind me and pull out a flag out of nowhere, tossing the shotgun aside. And then, I started beating that pretty-boy pedophile to death with it!_

_"Wait, a second, you beat someone to death with a FLAG?"_

_Yeah, cool, wasn't it? Anyway, I pull off these SWEET ASS killer moves, snapping bones and spilling blood, and when he was down for the count, I flipped him over onto his stomach and RAMMED the flag down into his spine._

_"Eww... that's nasty, Grif! Pretty brutal too!"_

_My dream, my rules Donut. Anyway, the guy was dead, and the sky at this point was now as colored the standard issue red. I looked around the area of my kill, and then, I raised my right fist into the air, and shouted to no one in particular:_

"BLOW IT ALL UP! BURN IT ALL DOWN! ATTACK EVERYTHING!"

_Then, all hell broke loose. Longswords and Pelicans came screaming out of the sky and start bombing shit up, Warthogs and tanks come out of the alleys and blow more shit up, and literally THOUSANDS of Reds came from everywhere else, shooting anything that wasn't themselves. And in the meantime, I was laughing anf laughing, until nothing was left standing, and all the Reds were looking at me._

"Oh great and mighty Grif," _one of the Reds shouted, _"We have destroyed the city at your command, and all how stood in our way have tasted justice! What shall we do now?"

"Why, the same thing we do every time we blow up a webcomic that pisses me off," _I said, then stared into space at nobody in particular. _"BLOW UP SOME MORE!"

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU BLEW IT ALL UP!" _This new voice caught me off guard, and I looked up to see some blue guy, he looked almost like Church, except his helmet had weird fins on the sides, standing on a building above me with a sword. _"YOU KILLED THEM ALL! YOU WEBCOMIC-KILLING FUCKTARD! YAHHHHHHHHH!"

_He leaps off the building and raises the sword, falling and ready to slie my head open, when SUDDENLY-_

**(END DREAM SEQUENCE)

* * *

**

"HEY MAGGOTS!" All three Red soldiers turned to see Sarge nearby, obviously pissed. "What the the blazes are you doing standing around fer? Can't you see every minute you lollygag around, we're losing valuable time to kick ass and take names?"

"Sorry sir!" Simmons shouted, "We were just finishing listening to Grif talk about this strange dream he had."

"Strange dream, what are- wait, this better not be the one about-"

"HELL NO!" Grif shouted. "This is totally different from whatever you're thinking!"

"Shut up, shut up, shut UP!" Donut shouted. "I want to here what happened next!"

"Son, what could be so- aww the hell with it." Sarge turned to Grif in defeat and said. "Hurry up and finish you're story, and don't bother starting from the beginning, because I DON'T CARE!"

"I thought you wouldn't, Sarge." Grif cleared his throat and resumed his story. "Anyway, this blue guy is coming down fast, ready to slice my head open-"

"Slice yer head open? Now I AM interested!" Simmons and Donut shushed Sarge for the unnecessary interupting.

"The dude was just about to impale my head with that sword of his, when SUDDENLY..." The suspense held the three other soldiers as Grif prepared to reveal the conclusion this his tale. "...I find myself in this black space, someone punches me back of my head and says 'DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE, EVER!' And that's when I woke up."

A sudden silence filled the base. For minutes, not on soldier spoke, until Simmons stared right at Grif and said:

"That's IT? That's the end? That ending made not fucking SENSE!"

"I told you my dream was weird! But you didn't believe me, did you?"

"Somehow, I found it offensive," Donut said sternly. "Why would you go out and destroy webcomics anyway? What did they ever do to you?"

"I DON'T KNOW, DONUT!" Grif shouted. "IT'S A FUCKING DREAM THAT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?"

**

* * *

(Meanwhile, at Blue Base...) **

Tex stared at the Red base through her sniper rifle, barely seeing the arguement between Grif and Donut. "Okay, I really have no idea what the hell they're doing over there."

"Not that I care, but yeah, they do that a lot," Church replied. It was then he heard a shout from inside the base from none other than Tucker.

"DUDE! Church, get down here!" the cyan soldier replied. Church groaned and quickly jumping through the roof of the base to where Tucker was using a laptop.

"What, the hell, is it this time Tucker? Caboose didn't stuff salami in the CD drive, did he?"

"No, this is worse! Look!"

Church followed Tucker's finger to see a webcomic called "The Lounge" on the screen. He looked at the screen, then back at Tucker, then to screen, and then Tucker once again. "So? What's you're point?"

"Church! Max's brother Scott is making out with Amy! He's like five years older than him! This is sick! We have to do something!"

Church sighed and said, "Tucker, just because you don't agree with something happening in a webcomic you don't like, doesn't me you can just run off and start shooting things to change it."

"Shooting things to change it? Great idea, I was just gonna flame the message boards! Let'd go get Sheila and-"

"No no no, you don't get it!" Church shouted, then turned down his voice. "The author came by earlier and said that if we go and try to attack 'The Lounge' universe, the creators, or even the server, he would blow us up and feed our bodies to the Flood, after he pisses on the corpses! And I just got my body back, so forget it!"

Tucker looked at Church for the next few seconds. "Well crappy hell. Guess it'll just flame the authors then." The cyan soldier went back to typing on his laptop as Church went out back.

"Hey, Caboose, can you take some more salami and- HOLY FUCK, YOU IDIOT!"

_KRABOOM!_ Church barely dodged the tank shell from Sheila's barrel, which connected itself to the side of the Blue base. Caboose ran up to Church to see if he was alright.

"I am SO sorry Church. I just wanted to show Mr. Ash how fun it is the drive Sheila!"

Church got up, glared at Caboose, then ran up to Sheila if an angry huff. "Hey Ash, get the hell out of our tank!"

The Pokémon trainer lifted the driver canopy and looked out at the Spartan. "Hell no! I haven't even been introduced yet, and I want some goddamn action!"

"Yeah, stop trying to spoil our fun," Sheila added. She and Ash then road off to the middle of the canyon, Church on the verge of a breakdown.

"Dear god in heaven... why do you hate me so?"

_END SPECIAL_

* * *

Author's Note: Nothing more to say here. Episode Four will be up soon. 


End file.
